2004-12-21 - 2:48 AM
For the past 3 years
I wanted to die
But I never did
I somehow got by
Now it's over
And I no longer want to
But I probably will
From all the shit that I do
Yes, more irony
And I fail once again
Becuz the things that are hurting me now
Are the same that were healing me then
So I seethe with anger
Blaming only myself
Even though it wasn't my fault
That sparked this mental Hell
I cut becuz it released my pain
I huffed, hoping it would kill me
But all it did was destroy my brain
And make me pass out temporarily
I drank and blacked out every time
Smoked pot so I would eat
And none of this cost me a single dime
But gave me scars to wear my self-defeat
Now I can't drink cuz I'm on too many meds.
I can't smoke pot cuz I don't have a hook-up
I'll never huff cuz I value the mind in my head
And if anyone sees a cut, then they think I'm fucked up
So the only thing I can do
Is smoke cigarettes
And black, tar-filled lungs
Is all I'm gonna get
I was never addicted to any one thing in itself
But was instead addicted to the cycle of addictions
I want to quit smoking and start the safest one for my health
So I'm content as blade meets skin
.. And here I go through the cycle again..
