2006-08-24 - 3:45 AM
I hate myself for not being who I want to be. And yet, I can't be who I want to be because others are not as how I want to see them. To accept others is to accept murder, racism, rape, and all other forms of varying degrees of bullshit characteristics that people possess. You know, I always wanted to kill myself, but not because I hated my life, or life in general. Life, in and of itself, is a beautiful thing. It is perhaps the most beautiful thing the mind can comprehend. God has no place here because the human mind cannot grasp Him. I do not believe that a man who kills himself because of his love for God and God's way of life would go to Hell. I cannot accept that. However, I can't use that to justify killing myself because the whole God, suicide, and Hell thing is beyond my comprehension! And so I'm trapped in this paradox where I love life in it's perfection, but can't form a "logical" reason to get there. I just want to skip this Hell on Earth, where people's shit continuously taints the sanctity of life, and get to where I feel I really belong. I don't fit into this world, and I want out.
