2006-08-30 - 12:18 a.m.
Goddamit.. I don't know what to say anymore. I don't know what to do. I figured things out the best that I could and it still isn't enough! I wish I coul dcry! I pray that I could fucking cry, but it all goes unanswered. Is there a God? Was that comet I saw really there, or was I just trying to see something so hard that I imagined I saw it? I hope with all that's in me that there is more to this fucking life.. that there is a purpose, that there is a reason we are alive. But I can't see it no matter how hard I try and wish for it. I want to end it, to kill my fucking self and eliminate my pointless existence! But I don't. I believe.. I hope.. that there is some purpose for my life.. and that's the only thing that keeps me here in this torment. GOd, if u really exist, let me see something besides a comet.. let me feel something that proves my life has a meaning to it. Otherwise, I''m ending it.. I'm so tired of trying more than "normal" people have to try, and more than "normal " people care to try to understand. I just wish I felt like this for something.. There has to b a reason..
